What is there to think of? [ That she had cried to try to save his life, yes, but hadn’t gotten up the guts to do it before any of them were in that situation in the first place? That her so-called best friend hadn’t been brave enough not throw him over the edge even though she had not wanted to?
Yes, it is a harsh view of the woman who brought him in to the world, but with all the suffering since he’d been banished the first time… he finds no reason to back away from it, either. ]
The truth is not always some pretty little package.
I haven’t had much time to think of things other than how to survive, since I was cast out. Until recently that always had to be the main priority.
[ Another not so pretty truth. Until Sensui had been defeated and he’d had some sense of stability between Mukuro and the rest of them, his focus had been simply surviving, with a side of making sure that Yukina was safe until they had recovered her and she had settled in the human world. ]
[She couldn't deny his answer. He had every right to be upset at the ice maidens for casting him out but she never thought he would think the same way about his mother. She didn't say anything as she didn't know what else to say. Looking at the ground, she gave a small nod or two.]
No, it's not. I just wanted to hear what you thought about her.
[With that, she gave a sigh. Closing her eyes, it seems she had to make her voice heard. Whatever may happen, she just had to say it. Like Kurama and Scott said, she had to worry about herself.]
...But has one of your main priorities making sure I was okay? To know...your sister was safe?
[ Ah... of course she has to ask him that particularly sticky question. It isn't that Hiei feels any shame in saying that yes, he had placed particular priority on that. That he had been there long before she even knew he was, in fact. Perhaps in any other situation it would seem weird to admit it but, really...
The hardest thing is the Jagan. Does he tell her in any sense of telling her that he had gotten it to, unsuccessfully, find his stone? Would that cause her too much distress to know what lengths he'd gone to, that he could have possibly died in the pursuit of it? ]
I was... in the trees, fairly often, when you would go out to spend time with the birds and animals. When we were much younger.
[ so close and yet so far. ]
But then I lost my stone, and underwent the surgery... and not long after I went to the island you disappeared.
[Then why didn't he say anything to her? By that point, she already knew about Hiei. Rui told her that she had a twin brother so there was nothing wrong by telling her. However, she gave a sigh.]
Is that what happened?
[There was the implication that she knew why he got the surgery but dared not to say it. She wasn't sure if it was also for her sake and to make sure she was safe. But based on her words, she was hesitate to speak it out loud. Looking down at her hands and then at the gem once more, she was playing into her crime.
Indeed, she did have a habit of pretending as though she didn't know anything when she did. Was it a good or a bad thing that this world was calling her out on it? For all she knew, she had to stop it.]
Yes. It was also… it made it easier to be able to check on you from further away.
[ he had goals, then. Things to do. Or so he thought. Restlessness was more like it, and it still creeps up on him from time to time when he least expects it.
Now, though… now he has less in the way of goals. Things he needs to do, power he needs to have. He rests in a position of power within demon world, under Mukuro, and has clawed his way back up to upper S-Class.
What more there was to pursue he isn’t sure. ]
Now is the same. I can be on border patrol and check in with any of you, if I feel the need.
[So, he did get it because of her. If she hadn't left the village, he wouldn't have ever gotten such a painful procedure. Biting her bottom lip, it hurt to know that he suffered for her sake.
It was funny, she left to find her brother when her brother already found her. Long before he got the Jagan eye too.]
...I'm sorry, I didn't mean for that to happen to you.
[ Hiei… sighs. Of course she feels the need to apologize to him for a choice he alone had made.
Yukina, despite her naïveté (however played up it sometimes is), is still and will probably always be better than him. Though she has her moments, she is so good at the core of it all. And he is -
Him. A felon who finds killing easier than speaking most days. No matter how much he has changed with Kurama and Yusuke’s help, there is no changing the gap between them so far as he’s concerned. ]
I did it by my own choice. There’s nothing for you to apologize for.
[It was still frustrating that she was part of the reason why he got the Jagan. It made her wonder just how terrible it was. From what she could gather, it was one of the most painful surgeries in all of demon world. While it made him stronger in a way, it also made her wonder just how much he had to suffer.]
...I'm glad you made it through. And that I got to see you again.
[ Hiei isn't quite sure what to say to that. In a way, he wishes they hadn't met face to face like this - it was maybe better that she had no idea who he was, or what he'd become with time and suffering. Neither of them can change the circumstances that they were born in to, and he had done his best to make sure that her circumstances, though with a stumbling point or two, were better than his own.
It was worth it, every bit of suffering and struggle that he had gone through in the meantime.
Hiei won't speak to the fact that he doesn't find himself good enough for her praise, or any of this, simply contenting himself with: ]
If you can live peacefully in the human world.. it was worth it.
[From the first moment she met him, she had a feeling she knew who he was. There was a sense of familiarity that she couldn't place her finger on at that moment. It was only a matter of time before she knew who he was. Still, even when he was up in the tree and placing distance between them, she couldn't help but smile.
While he didn't say it out loud, at least he was willing to admit that they were siblings.]
....What about yourself? Do you find yourself happy in demon world?
It's fine. [ Hiei doesn't entertain things like happy if only because he isn't really sure he's ever felt it, and beyond that... if he doesn't entertain it, it also can't go away.
For a demon that is usually waiting for the other shoe to drop when he finds some semblance of contentment, happiness was a step too far for now. ]
Mukuro entertains herself by training against me and I don't find myself idle for too long.
[That wasn't quite the answer she wanted. Although, she wondered if she should settle for that. People have been telling her to be more selfish and say what she wanted to. However, there was also that risk of Hiei distancing himself once more should she be too forward.
With a sigh, she shook her head. She'll have to take that risk.]
[ What a terrible question. Hiei knows that there is literally nothing about what he can say about happiness, his own happiness, that Yukina will like. His happiness has never been his priority, when it came down to it. He preferred to prioritize Yukina, Mukuro... literally anyone other than himself, when it came down to it.
The pause before he even tries to answer is no doubt telling, red eyes darting around them to land on literally anything other than Yukina. ]
That isn't really important. I am alive, and well, which is more than enough.
[Was this really the most he could say? She supposed so, he was always someone who tried to avoid the subject whenever possible. This was as good as it gets. It was already a miracle he admitted to him being her brother without saying anything.
Taking a sigh and relaxing her shoulders, she just had to admit his answer.]
And that you can come to the human world should you ever want to visit us.
[ In his own way, Hiei wishes that she wouldn’t be so intent on this. On learning who he was and making sure that he was around enough in equal measure. He is all too aware of how quickly he can be here and gone in the demon world, particularly in the circles he’s involved in now.
Demons were not delicate in anything, particularly against those they considered rivals.
Politically or otherwise.
He bites down on something more dower that lingers n his mind, before simply nodding. No need to have Yukina worrying about the fact he can possibly die day in and day out. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
thenicerone) wrote2024-07-01 11:39 am
no subject
What is there to think of? [ That she had cried to try to save his life, yes, but hadn’t gotten up the guts to do it before any of them were in that situation in the first place? That her so-called best friend hadn’t been brave enough not throw him over the edge even though she had not wanted to?
Yes, it is a harsh view of the woman who brought him in to the world, but with all the suffering since he’d been banished the first time… he finds no reason to back away from it, either. ]
The truth is not always some pretty little package.
I haven’t had much time to think of things other than how to survive, since I was cast out. Until recently that always had to be the main priority.
[ Another not so pretty truth. Until Sensui had been defeated and he’d had some sense of stability between Mukuro and the rest of them, his focus had been simply surviving, with a side of making sure that Yukina was safe until they had recovered her and she had settled in the human world. ]
no subject
No, it's not. I just wanted to hear what you thought about her.
[With that, she gave a sigh. Closing her eyes, it seems she had to make her voice heard. Whatever may happen, she just had to say it. Like Kurama and Scott said, she had to worry about herself.]
...But has one of your main priorities making sure I was okay? To know...your sister was safe?
no subject
[ Ah... of course she has to ask him that particularly sticky question. It isn't that Hiei feels any shame in saying that yes, he had placed particular priority on that. That he had been there long before she even knew he was, in fact. Perhaps in any other situation it would seem weird to admit it but, really...
The hardest thing is the Jagan. Does he tell her in any sense of telling her that he had gotten it to, unsuccessfully, find his stone? Would that cause her too much distress to know what lengths he'd gone to, that he could have possibly died in the pursuit of it? ]
I was... in the trees, fairly often, when you would go out to spend time with the birds and animals. When we were much younger.
[ so close and yet so far. ]
But then I lost my stone, and underwent the surgery... and not long after I went to the island you disappeared.
no subject
Is that what happened?
[There was the implication that she knew why he got the surgery but dared not to say it. She wasn't sure if it was also for her sake and to make sure she was safe. But based on her words, she was hesitate to speak it out loud. Looking down at her hands and then at the gem once more, she was playing into her crime.
Indeed, she did have a habit of pretending as though she didn't know anything when she did. Was it a good or a bad thing that this world was calling her out on it? For all she knew, she had to stop it.]
You went and the Jagan to look for your stone?
no subject
Yes. It was also… it made it easier to be able to check on you from further away.
[ he had goals, then. Things to do. Or so he thought. Restlessness was more like it, and it still creeps up on him from time to time when he least expects it.
Now, though… now he has less in the way of goals. Things he needs to do, power he needs to have. He rests in a position of power within demon world, under Mukuro, and has clawed his way back up to upper S-Class.
What more there was to pursue he isn’t sure. ]
Now is the same. I can be on border patrol and check in with any of you, if I feel the need.
no subject
It was funny, she left to find her brother when her brother already found her. Long before he got the Jagan eye too.]
...I'm sorry, I didn't mean for that to happen to you.
no subject
[ Hiei… sighs. Of course she feels the need to apologize to him for a choice he alone had made.
Yukina, despite her naïveté (however played up it sometimes is), is still and will probably always be better than him. Though she has her moments, she is so good at the core of it all. And he is -
Him. A felon who finds killing easier than speaking most days. No matter how much he has changed with Kurama and Yusuke’s help, there is no changing the gap between them so far as he’s concerned. ]
I did it by my own choice. There’s nothing for you to apologize for.
no subject
[It was still frustrating that she was part of the reason why he got the Jagan. It made her wonder just how terrible it was. From what she could gather, it was one of the most painful surgeries in all of demon world. While it made him stronger in a way, it also made her wonder just how much he had to suffer.]
...I'm glad you made it through. And that I got to see you again.
no subject
[ Hiei isn't quite sure what to say to that. In a way, he wishes they hadn't met face to face like this - it was maybe better that she had no idea who he was, or what he'd become with time and suffering. Neither of them can change the circumstances that they were born in to, and he had done his best to make sure that her circumstances, though with a stumbling point or two, were better than his own.
It was worth it, every bit of suffering and struggle that he had gone through in the meantime.
Hiei won't speak to the fact that he doesn't find himself good enough for her praise, or any of this, simply contenting himself with: ]
If you can live peacefully in the human world.. it was worth it.
no subject
While he didn't say it out loud, at least he was willing to admit that they were siblings.]
....What about yourself? Do you find yourself happy in demon world?
no subject
It's fine. [ Hiei doesn't entertain things like happy if only because he isn't really sure he's ever felt it, and beyond that... if he doesn't entertain it, it also can't go away.
For a demon that is usually waiting for the other shoe to drop when he finds some semblance of contentment, happiness was a step too far for now. ]
Mukuro entertains herself by training against me and I don't find myself idle for too long.
no subject
With a sigh, she shook her head. She'll have to take that risk.]
...Even so, are you still happy?
no subject
[ What a terrible question. Hiei knows that there is literally nothing about what he can say about happiness, his own happiness, that Yukina will like. His happiness has never been his priority, when it came down to it. He preferred to prioritize Yukina, Mukuro... literally anyone other than himself, when it came down to it.
The pause before he even tries to answer is no doubt telling, red eyes darting around them to land on literally anything other than Yukina. ]
That isn't really important. I am alive, and well, which is more than enough.
no subject
Taking a sigh and relaxing her shoulders, she just had to admit his answer.]
And that you can come to the human world should you ever want to visit us.
no subject
[ In his own way, Hiei wishes that she wouldn’t be so intent on this. On learning who he was and making sure that he was around enough in equal measure. He is all too aware of how quickly he can be here and gone in the demon world, particularly in the circles he’s involved in now.
Demons were not delicate in anything, particularly against those they considered rivals.
Politically or otherwise.
He bites down on something more dower that lingers n his mind, before simply nodding. No need to have Yukina worrying about the fact he can possibly die day in and day out. ]
If that is what you want.